Wednesday, July 7, 2010

baby steps

Look at this boy.
This beautiful beautiful boy of mine.
When I first held him in my arms, I did what I imagine most mom's do.
I wished for him, a life of magic and wonder, possibility and learning, faith and compassion.

Now I understand that the fulfillment of those blessings could only be realized after he 
had experienced heartache and grief, fear and disappointment, pain and isolation.

I have come to realize that Heavenly Father loves us more than a pain free life can give us.
That his love will keep our jagged edges in the current until they are smooth.

How to convey that understanding to a thirteen year old is not quite so easy.
Especially to one that has had a very bad, no good, horrible awful...summer.
(that is a direct quote:)
I am not sure why Heavenly Father has allowed this trial River is facing to go
on for so long.  I am not sure why we have not yet found answers.  But I suspect that
God knows exactly what he is doing.  He is preparing one of his little warriors.

I have been getting a lot of advice lately.  I appreciate the love and concern.
But right now the only thing I know how to do is follow my heart.
I can't just let him lay down and die.  Which he would prefer some days.  
 So I give him a challenge a day.

Yesterday was the biggest one yet.   We hiked up to the base of Timinokee.  
(Hands down the most breathtaking mountain range you will ever see) It was
rough and throughout the trail I found myself questioning my intuition a lot.

We had to break it down to baby steps and rests.  By the time we reached
our goal,  All he could do was lay down by the bank of a stream and fall asleep.
 I sat next to him worrying that I may have pushed him to far.

There is such a fine line between nurturing and enabling.
Half of me wants to push him to get back on the horse (John Wayne style).
The other half wants to hold his heart until all of the anxiety and fear melts away.

I suppose there is wisdom somewhere in between.

 That is the power of a mother, to know deep within what is the highest
good for her child, and to have the faith to give it to God when she doesn't.

I love you my big little man.
much much to much.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Weekend Moments

It was a lovely weekend.
We started celebrating on Friday and partied well into late Sunday evening with a house full of family...(ie:chaos).  Friday morning we packed the kids, the cousins, and the boat up for a day at the lake, but the lake had other plans for us, so we settled for a picnic instead.
Saturday the Lake apologized and welcomed us back to our "spot".
Oh how I love our spot.

We stayed until we were all good and burned, and headed home for
fireworks, we are sort of in the Bermuda triangle of fireworks, with Pleasant grove, American Fork and Cedar Hills so close...and yet not quite close enough.
But they were beautiful just the same.

Auntie Jodi and Uncle Justin spoiled the kids with fireworks, which was a good thing because mom hates to see money burn.  I would much rather eat my money, so I elected to have a big seafood fest instead.  I must say, watching the kids try to eat crab legs was far more entertaining than fireworks:)
We forgot to cook up the catfish Tyson caught, thanks again to uncle Justin.  I love my family.
Ryan and Becky...We miss you so much up here. 

Grandpa was going to give us a family home evening on Sunday about our country and the freedom God has blessed us with,
but I crashed into a deep sleep, and woke up to a clean kitchen and quite house.  
I'm going to have to try that one again.
Here are some of my favorite pics.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Happy Independence Day

May your weekend bring you grateful hearts, bright stars and lots of watermelon faces.
I love this country.