Wednesday, November 30, 2011


Christmas lights at Temple sqaure.
But opening night....  Crazy spinning,
hundreds of people,
me wondering if all my children were within sight.
But Wow.
Worth it.
I love this weird snapshot River took,
because I think it shows both my wonder
and fatigue, and delight, and sigh.
Daddy had to work.
But we had all of our big Smith Family.

We made a night of it and stayed at little America.
It's the grand sort of place that you ew and ah
and then clinch your wallet at the thought of
one of your children tipping something over.
Isn't she cute?
I love my other mama.
We rode the tracks from the hotel
into the city.
I love the motion and organic energy of
the hustle and bustle.
Fast trains and spilled coffee,
and chatty city people.
River does too.
He sort of comes alive around any techno-light
type thing.  Savannah and Malia loved
later on, when I talked with a British accent and
served them coco in our hotel room with their cute cousins.
NOT in the white sheets:
That was after we swam in the pool (s).
I swam under the window to the outside pool.
I was alone. (suprise -3 degrees)
I floated on my back and looked up at the
stars, felt a tear drop in the water.
I am so grateful for life.

So much more to write on this story.
But I am starting to see stars again.
I wish you all a freezing pool cry baby moment.

And I walk....

Its 4:30.
Can't sleep.
It's been my only complaint of late, I think it is because I slept
for 3 months and now my body just wants to go and do and walk,
and plan and be busy.  Thats a good thing.  A very good thing.
But I don't want to forget to be still.

I am sitting with grandma's afagan on my knees, and mother's
quilt around my shoulders, by the fire with a warm cup of
lemon chamomile.  Shucks I love my herbal tea's.
Maybe I should move to England.

With all of my discovering of late, I have discovered that I
Love walking.  I have always wanted the claim to fame of running.
But I'm getting real honest with myself lately and running is just
to harsh for this body of mine.

But...I love to walk and walk and walk.  I love to walk alone.
I love to walk with my kids, I love to walk with my best friend.
So here are some walks I have walked lately.
And I must add plaid rain boots make the best walkers:)

I can't lay claim to this last walk.  Though I plan to in the Spring.
Glenn, Greg, and Garrett skied from the Alpine loop all the way to Sundance,
where I picked them up.
The plan was for me to pick them up early, so I could walk a bit in the woods,
but they were too fast for me.
Guess that is a good thing, because Glenn saw cougar tracks,
Wouldn't that be funny?  To go through all I have been through...
just to be eaten alive by a cougar?
Okay. Sick joke.  Time to go back to bed.
I love Garrett's smile.

Sunday, November 27, 2011


To the best Thanksgiving ever.
To all of you. All of you I love.
As my dad puts it so well...
"We are really not all that important, Unless we are important to each other."

The best part of our weekend.
Dinner was just the beginning...
Don't let the googly eyes scare you.
We are just full of light and love:)
More to come.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Red hats and flat tires~

I just got on my knees to thank good Lord
for giving me yet another....
perfect. perfect day.
Then I couldn't resist thanking him out loud.

Today nana called me to pick her up after school,
because she had a flat tire.
I couldn't resist putting on my red hat,
and walking the bike home myself!

Last week, I had moments
when I couldn't muster the desire to walk to
my table for a cup of herbal tea
with my family.

This medication has saved me.
But I know better than that.
My dear Father in Heaven knew I 
needed a breather.
And he gave me some breath.
I don't know or care how long it lasts,
because I am committing myself to the moment.
It is either that or commit myself to a straight
jacket with zombie juice in my veins.

I know Garrett was inspired to send me
to Sundance.  To give to me so freely
the time I needed to heal...
away from my sick room,
away from the eyes that were so hurting for me.

Shellie came this week.
She came to to watch my kids and do my wash...
and give Kathy a break.
She was absolutely shocked to see me...
be me again!
Instead of putting her to work,
I took her and dad to Sundance for lunch.
I wanted to give them a piece of the heaven
I was healed in....
Then we did a bit of shopping today.
thus the silly red hat.
I so love that I have the energy to put on a hat!
I look stoned as a beetle here....
but I was simply snorting life.
Beautiful, beautiful life.
I bought Henry a silly hat too,
and some froggy rain boots so he
can join me on all of the winter walks 
I plan to take.

Then I came home and had one of the first meals
with my family....actually sitting at the dinner table
with them, instead of laying in bed and hearing
their echos.
I have found that I can take about three bites
of each item, if I take my medication
and chew it really really well...
I don't think I have ever chewed my food properly.
It is lovely.
You should try it.

 I am thankful to the dear sister who brought this meal.
And as for you Ruth....
My dear friend, I think I am able to cook for my family again.
And I thank all of you....
and especially my Father in Heaven.
Now Back to my prayer~

Monday, November 14, 2011

Life is a Banquet....

This poster was just outside my cabin
it reads....
"Life is a banquet and most fools are starving"
 I thought it was appropriate given the circumstance.
I had intentions of feasting on all of these
wonderful books on my sabbatical....

But mostly I watched my fire crackle and fade,

And crackle and fade....
and crackle and fade...
 And when the sun came out to greet me,
as it always will....
I walked...

 and walked...
 And felt the sheer joy of the hand of God.
and his creations.
We stopped by dad's on the way home.
He had watched my children for three
days, made a year supply of homemade bread
in my freezer and his scrumptious soup....
These are grapes that are still hanging
on cold weak vines.
Hanging with such grace and beauty,
They inspire me to hang like that when the weather
gives way.
 Then we came to Grandma and Grandpa Smith's home.
She had prepared a lovely dinner.
Food is a funny thing, we tend to love
through food.  It is strange and simply ironic
to me, that even though my body will only 
process 2-3 bites at a time, I am nourished
more than ever before.
Grandpa Glenn made Savannah a bow and a quiver.
I love that man.  He is like Daniel Boone...John wayne
and Elvis in one simple kind package. 
 He Has raised a good son.  A great son.
And Kathy.  Oh my sweet Kathy,
how I love you.
How I love the way you love me and my children.
Yes. Life is a banquet. 
Don't let it spoil.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

love. simple love.

And when the stream
Which overflowed the soul was
passed away,
A consciousness remained that 
it has left,
Deposited upon the silent shore
Of memory images and precious thoughts
That shall not die, and cannot be destroyed.
    ~William Wordsworth 

Thank you. You the love of my life for journeying into my soul.
I will never forget these days, that you came to me,
and loved me back to me.

I'm telling you people.
The one thing I know for sure.
Love heals.