Monday, March 29, 2010


My happy thought for the day.
Because it's Monday, and I always need a happy thought on Monday.
Wishing you a very good night.
Sweet dreams~

A Big Yellow Taxi

This weekend brought me:
A Big yellow Taxi~

I love finding unusual things.
It is not every day in this 
suburban/minivan/sports car town,
you see a Big yellow Taxi.

It reminded me of Jon Travolta and Danny Davido...
Remember that show?  I loved that show.
It also reminded me of the old Carly simon song:
"A big Yellow Taxi"

Hey farmer farmer, put away your ddt now~
Given me spots on my apples, and even birds on the tree now~
Don't it always seem to go...
that you don't know what you got till it's gone...

So with one of my favorite songs 
playing in my head, I went about having
a very nice day with my family.
"Because you don't know what you got till its gone"~

We drove to Sandy for errands.
It's the only way to avoid bumping into patients,
which of course, Dr. Garrett doesn't mind.  It just
gets a bit awkward for me and the kids to stand and
smile patiently while someone complains about their
blood pressure, back pain...or bowl habits, 

We stopped by our favorite place to eat.
(Actually Dr. Garrett's place...I prefer something more foreign)...because I am oh so very sophisticated.

Souper Salad 

Though I must say, I am always happy to go to this place, Just for the 
Ginger muffins.
Oh the ginger muffins...perfect.
Dr. Garrett tells me my bowel habits would be better if I ate more salad,
and drank more water.  I wish I had a picture of Dr. Garrett's water jug. I really should take a picture.
He drinks 2-3 gallons a day.  Every day.
I say he can keep his own bowel habits~
I am happy with my ginger muffin.
But I sure am glad he is next to me.
"Because you don't know what you got till its gone"~

There were a bunch of seagulls in the 
Walmart parking lot.  It made me dream of 
walking on the beach...for a brief moment.
Because that is where I think Seagulls belong.
Not at the garbage dump...or the Walmart trash bins.
I think they are much to pretty to be scavaging for garbage.

Later on...
We had movie night.  
And After the kids fought over who sat closest to mom and Dad,
We snuggled up and watched an old
Cowboy show...The Fabulous Seven.
I love old Cowboy shows.
I love old Cowboy's

Especially this one...

Sunday brought it's own beauty.
We went to grandma and grandpa Smith's house.
We Love that house.
And we Love their land even more.

I brought my camera so I could take pictures
of Grandpa giving tractor rides, the grandkids love tractor rides...but I think Grandpa does too.

Then my darn camera battery died.
stupid battery.
But there will be a next time...I hope.
Because, after all..."you don't know what you got till it's gone."

Sunday, March 28, 2010

The Message behind the Madness

Every Sunday
We loose our religion
getting to church~

And when we finally arrive
We tiptoe
(like a heard of elephants)
Into our chairs~

Definitely not benches...
Benches are for the righteously deserving
bunch that arrive
 to church on Time.

And without fail~
When I finally get a chance 
to glance
at my elephants...

Inevitably I see...
A missing sock
A mop of hair that didn't quite get combed
A milk mustache
A bow that doesn't match
(who am I kidding?...My daughters don't even wear bows)
Dirt behind an ear
last weeks snack on my sons white shirt~

I giggle
Just a little
(but not so much)
Because I am feeling like a great big
(with a capital L)

By this time, I sure could use a drink
but I don't drink
So I sit and think think think...

Hence the Sacrament...
There really must be something in the water~
Because I start to remember
what I'm supposed to remember 
and forget
What I'm supposed to forget~

And I pray
for the healing water to wash me clean
to clear my slate for one more day
one more week...
to make me new again~

Because that is the point
behind the Madness...
The reason I do it again and again
week after week
crying toddlers, sleepy teenagers
and all~
Because...I Need to be reminded 
of what I Never...Ever...want to forget~

And I start to see with 
the eyes of a man so pure...
he died for me~
 With renewed vision, I can see beyond
the Betty Crockers
and the Cindy Crawfords
The Cleavers..the Achievers
The scholars and the silent~

I see people just like me
To be so much more~

I see a "peculiar people"
The people of my father 
and his father
and his father's father~
whose faith was deeper than the river's
they crossed, so that I may sit on a chair
or a bench each week~
~and it will not be in vein~

laying down their weaknesses, their
mishaps and their clumsy mistakes
at the Saviors feet...
And I love them for it~

And I am proud and humble
in the same breath 
to sit among these people
Bench or no bench~

I remember that it is within the walls
of this school where
the hopeless find hope
The proud make peace with their pride...
and the sinner in all Of us
remembers the way home~

Home to him that gives me hope...
That one day
I'll get myself a bench~

Friday, March 26, 2010

Sweet dreams

Thank you Father
For one more day...
with your children

Please help me return them to you
Once more...
and if River goes toilet papering with his friends tonight
please give him a swift kick in the okole!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Dear Mr. Toothfairy

Dear Mr.(or miss) Tooth fairy: 
Next time my baby looses her tooth
Could you Please remember to take the tooth from under the pillow when you leave the money?
oh...and would it be to much to ask you to leave it on the First night?
Stupid Stupid Toothfairy~

Shattered Plates

I am going to have a happy day.
A happy, beautiful, brilliant day.

But I know there are some that won't.

My Brother's nephew was killed in a car 
accident yesterday.  I don't know him.  But I know
His aunt Becky, my brothers wife, and she is
Brave and Beautiful.

My friends father is dying.  I don't know him
but I know his daughter and she is Brave and Beautiful too.

I have known loss and heartache and grief,
that could never be spoken of on these pages~

Because their mine...
and now their Gods...
Because I gave them to him.
With the help of his Son.

Before he took them from me...
He let me feel them until I thought my heart 
would shatter in a million Pieces.

Just like the plate mom shattered 
at her cancer retreat.  The host let her pick out a beautiful antique plate~
My mother loved Antiques...

And then she was given a hammer and told to break it...
into a million pieces.

"This is your life" they told her...
and she felt sad, angry and hopeless.
Then they brought out the morter and told her to create something beautiful out of it.
And she did.  But she was still a little sad.  A lot sad.

"This is your new life"...
This shattered plate has been made beautiful again.
Different than you ever dreamed.  But beautiful non the less. 

Why? Why do they call grief...heartache?
Because Everything aches~
Your stomach
your neck
your head
your throat...I call this piano throat, because that is what you swallow when you swallow grief.
Even your breath. Every single breath you take...
feels like your lungs will collapse.

I have beautiful women in my life, that know first hand what it feels like to shatter a plate.
But those are their stories to share.  They shared them with me and I will never Ever be the same.
They are my sisters.  Because you can't glue a plate back together without Sisters.

And I will never forget the cold winter~
They got on a plane...
And brought me Spring.
This one is for you~
And for all of my sisters that make my plate whole again...every single day.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Stop This Train~

~Stop This Train~

When I was just eighteen
I stuck my head out of a moving Train
I watched the day turn into night
With the wind in my face...
And I loved it~

I had a cheap cassette tape walkman
(wow...that dates me)
And it played Enya
over and over and...
over again~

Enya was my inspiration
and with every note
I wrote
The story of my life...
And oh what a story it would be~
and the train rolled on

First stop...
Where I worked in the orphanages...
I was going to save all of the children 
and become the next MOTHER TERESA~
and now every night I pray that I can save my own...
And then...
I decided that when I was done saving
the children...
I would write for the Associated Press~

I would bring just to the unjust...
Galvanize quite heroes...
Bring politicians to there knees~
and the Train rolled on
and now
The politicians bring me to my knees...

I was going to change the world~
now I hope I can change my sheets...
at least once a week~

And Then

 I met a boy with a yankees hat
and a great big smile~
and the Train moved on
only on a different track...

Turned out
He was a dreamer
just like me

We vowed we would never live in
a box brown house and 
drive black and white cars
and establish a routine
of any kind...

So we packed our bags and set out for
and boy did we have some...

But soon
The adventures seemed 
and the clock started ticking~
and the train moved on...

And one day the letter came...
Accepted at last!
(med school)

and we were Happy...
but we were also kind of sad~

Then the babies came~
And the flowers grew
and the wind blew...

But there were some Doozers
ie:intense emotional discussions 
(A very generous term for poor communication skills)

There were days when
Garrett was up to his elbows in
and I was up to mine in

That I would look at pictures
from far away places
and wonder~
Just wonder~

And there was the night
After three years of Medical school
That Garrett informed me he was joining the
Coast Gaurd
And I laughed...
Then I cried...
And Garrett lauphed
Then he cried~

Then we both cried together~
and the Train moved on...
and the babies kept comming..
And we bought a Brown house
and two white cars...

And we have dinner everyday
at 6:30
and Saturday movie nights...
And instead of exploring the world together~
we explore the minds of our four

~And We have never been so happy~
(Except, of course, on our no good, very bad..terribly awful days)
~And boy do we have them~

Funny thing

It puts you on a train and takes you 
to all of the places you think you want~
And then brings you back to your