Saturday, August 28, 2010

The silver lining

Wednesday night I had myself
a mushy, gushy, grueling mini break down,
for reasons too complex and complicated to share.

It was a Doozer.

I couldn't talk.
I couldn't breathe.
Who knew breathing could be so hard?

I had to run somewhere,
before I puked up my emotion on the innocent hearts around me,
so I drove up to mom and dad Smith's.
I was hoping they would be there, 
to hide me, hold me and tell me everything would be okay,
and to tell me that I did the right thing.

But they weren't.
So I laid in their swing and cried myself a 

Oh River.
You are going to be okay.
You can do hard things.
I may be pushing you back out into the world,
but not alone.
You will never be alone.


We had a long emotional week you &  I.
But then the clouds broke for just a moment.
After another emotional appointment,
 We ran across the street, to that authentic Italian Restaurant,
 we have always wanted to try.

We left the unsaid unspoken,
and for an hour...became Italians.
We laughed and ate and ate and ate;
peach Italian soda, roasted red pepper pasta,
warm cheesy bread.
And Gelato...oh Mambo Gelato~

Your eyes smiled.
I love that smile.
Our waiter told us...
Life is
And for the first time in a bit,
I had to agree,
rain and all.

We were on a patio table, overlooking the city street,
when the rain came down again.
It splashed on the red cobblestone beneath our feet.

But we didn't mind so much,
wet hair and all.
We are getting used to the rain,
and learning that sometimes the Umbrella's
come before the rainbows.

They will come my boy.
They will come.
But for now we must hold our umbrella's with our chin up
and our hearts grateful, for the many tender mercies
God has shown to us.

Each day is a miracle,
a chance to grow,
and a field to harvest.
And you can't reap a harvest,
without some rain.

It was good to see you smile.
Life is truly beautiful...after all~


  1. You can run to my house anytime! Please know you can call me anytime or just show up! I have really been thinking about your family and have kept you in my prayers. Just remember, we will always be compensated for our trials! River is lucky to have you and because of you and Garrett, he will get through this. Good will come from this. i promise
    Love you guys

  2. i just wish life were easier for you!! i wish i could be there and hug you when it's tough. i wish river was all better.
    i wish you rainbows with your rain!!!

  3. Holly - I love you
    River - I love you too.
    I love the way you love each other
    There is nothing more important than that.
    My heart and prayers are with you both.
    Thank you for your beautiful and inspiration words.
    You teach me something profound every time you write.

  4. Holl,
    This is what I Think God would say tenderly to you in this moment....
    I have gone before your face
    I have been on your righthand and on your left,
    My spirit has been in your heart,and mine angles have been round about you and River to bear you up.