Friday, April 2, 2010

Happy Birthday Mother~

I haven't been sleeping...Again.
Just Like you.  I remember waking up in the 
middle of the night, often, to find you
in the garden or in the kitchen...
making bread or breakfast granola.  
I miss your granola.
I keep having this dream that you never
really died, and when I see you, I apologize
for arranging the funeral.  And, I  wonder
how to tell everyone that your still here...not on the other side.
But you hug me anyway. I miss your great big hugs.
And I no longer feel stupid
for arranging your funeral.
You tell me to throw a big party
and celebrate your life, not mourn it.

So today I will celebrate your life,
instead of wishing for one more year with you.  
I will celebrate a few of my favorite things:
1)I remember, the day you made me a pair of "traffic" jeans, and suprised 
me with an E.T shirt and Cindarella shoes.  I rode my bike to school
and my new pants got caught in the chain, and I couldn't budge them
away.  A situation that was soon amplified when "The bell boy's" 
( a whole other story), dog bit me.  There was no one to help me, so I
prayed you there.  And you came...just in the nick of time.
You always showed up just in the nick of time.

2)I remember, the summer day you ran out back and jumped into the baby pool with me...clothes, rollers, and all.  I started splashing and you splashed back...
and I will always love you for that~

3)I remember the day Henry was born.  My nurse was awful, we affectionatly called her the Inflicter. 
I was 35 weeks, fully effaced and dialated to a 4.  And though I was having contractions every three minutes, she refused to give me an epedural. She claimed it was because she didn't want to "encourage" the baby to come,
(well duh...the baby was comming sweetheart...(or not so sweetheart.)
The pain soon overwhelmed me. Next thing I knew, you were rippin the nurse a new one.  I loved the mama bear in you.  I got my epadural with in minutes.

4) I remember our sleepovers.  In your last year you were too ill to do much.
So you invited me to sleep over, often.  We would snuggle up, just like we did when I was a child,  watch home and garden t.v, play cards, laugh and cry...happy cries.
I always came home renewed, because...How can you not? Everyone that left you felt renewed, because you listened.  You went all the way with me...until all my fears, and insecurities vanished.  That is a rare I hope I will master some day.
You never gave advice, instead you conveyed trust in me.  And, I will always love
you for that, because advice is highly overrated.

5)I remember so much more than this post can I will sum it all up with my favorite things you taught me~
Live life intentionally.
Love fiercely.
Teach through love.
Hope for faith.
Give your heart fully...because love is recyclable. 
Know your Savior.
And always put on a fresh coat of lipstick, when you hear your husbands car pull in~


  1. I feel like I know and love your mother because I know and love you. And you ... are her .... recycled .... and I love that. You are in my heart, especially today. Happy Birthday to one of our Heavenly Fathers most precious angels.

  2. Sometimes I wonder If Jon, Jonah and my mom hang out in Heavan...chatting up ways to create miracles for us:) The thought makes me happy:)

  3. that thought makes me happy too:) !! you are special just like your mom! i love the part about putting on lipstick when your husband is pulling in!
    i wish you the deepest sweet dreams and slumber~ i pray for it!!

  4. Beautiful Holly. My mom is gone too. I did not have this same relationship with her, but I'm hoping someday, my daughter will write something similar about me. Thanks for the example of your mother and you too!

  5. Your daughter will sing your could she not?
    I am grateful for your example in my life:)

  6. Happy birthday to your mother Holly. She is the example of a mother that I hope to be to my children. You are a beautiful example of her and I know she is looking down on you everyday and so proud of you and the great work you are doing with your own family. I love you!

  7. It's amazing how much emotion you put into your writing. This is beautiful, just like her.