"This"

Note to reader: I posted "this" this morning, I deleted the post, because who wants to read a depressing post?
I promised I would be real with my writing...but sometimes real is an illusion. 
I decided to repost it after realizing the post had slipped through a crack and found its way to a dear friend who reminded me that there will only be one person who truly gets "this".
And that someone can only be found on my knees.
So here I bleed away, in the hopes to remind someone, anyone, that there will always be one who gets what no one else can.



"This"


Definitely won't be posting this one on face book.
God asked me to swallow an Elephant,
and I suppose in the life before I agreed.
I was a fool.  I must of given myself way to much credit.


I don't know how to digest this elephant.
I am angry.
And sad.
And hopeless.
Why?  I know I am suppose to pick up my wagon and
stop asking why, but I am to weak to pick up
anything right now.


Please God, let it be anything but this. 


What? you ask is This?


If I told you, you would stop inviting me to parties.
Or perhaps not.


My black pearls know.  I miss you all so much.  You are
so far away.  Perhaps the distance is good, because if you
were to close I would have to pretend with you too.
And I love you to much to pretend.


You were up with me on a long dark night, 
when This flared up.
And you stayed up, and lost sleep and held me when I cried.


I think Garrett is growing tired of This.
So am I.


It's raining.


So my sense of humor has not entirely left me, because
I put on a summer dress this morning. 
Perhaps, it will chase
away This.
We will see.
Tomorrow I will apologize for my self pity,
and put my boots on and pick up my wagon,
but today I can't.