Thursday, June 17, 2010

Avalanches, beacons and blessings

This morning my emotions  came
all undone.  I have held my head up
with peace and confidence throughout
the last 8 weeks, but seeing River lay
in bed day after day is killing me.   

In my effort to remain positive I have
kept my emotions in check... all along
knowing that I was trying to outrun
an avalanche.

This morning the Avalanche came
crashing down.  I asked River if 
I could invite some of his friends 
over to play card games.  He said
he couldn't...

I started to cry, I don't like him to
see me cry...but the damn just wouldn't
wait for a better time.

If you won't do it for yourself than do it
for me River... please, you can't isolate
yourself like this.

He started to cry.  
I'm sick mom.  I can't.  People will
think I am weird if they see me this

I went down the hallway into the
guest room.  I just had to get my
emotions in check.  

I laid on the bed, next to my mother's
picture.  I just looked at her and sobbed.
Feelings of doubt and fear were choking
my faith... I just needed her to tell
me what to do.  Then I allowed myself
to get good and angry at her for leaving
me so soon.  She would know how to
help him through this.  

Then River walked in, I opened up my
arms just like mother would do and 
held him tight.

"Let's call my friends, I guess I can play
board games if I just sit at the table."

So with crazy  joy I went to WalMart
and cleaned out the junk food department.

River has the greatest friends in the world,
they came and made River laugh and smile,
oh I have missed that smile.

Yes the avalanche came falling,... but then
God sent in his search and rescue team...
 2 amazing boys...Daxton and Parker,
followed the beacon and brought
their shovels (or risk game).
to the rescue~

And River they did that, because they
love and miss you SO much.

They played games, and laid on the couch
in such a way that made it easy for River,
they are just so darn cute.

Then when all was said and done, River
walked to the laundry room and said:
"Mom... thanks for making me do that,
it was kind of cool, and not as scary
as I thought it would be.
I love you."

I love you  River...
I am so inspired by your courage
and strength... you will always be
my strong, soldier boy.  
keep lacing up your boots,
because god has plans for you.

Thank you for taking a "risk" today.
I know it was not easy.

Primary children's hospital... Just can't get enough.
Please pray that he can go up to scout camp next week.
And thank you all so much for your prayers.  I really
believe we have been blessed because of them.
Love you~


  1. Gosh lady. You make me cry far to often in your writings. What a fine writer you are.

    Poor River! I wish they knew what to do to help him. That must be maddening.( I'm sure for Garrett too!! ) Thoughts are with you and your sweet family as always.

    Keep you head high. Your mom is there helping you through this, I just know it.

  2. my heart aches for him, boys should be running and playing especially in summer! is there anything i could bring him that he would like? (answer in my comments if there is) see you soon!

  3. I can't imagine how you feel, but I only hope that things get better with him for his sake and you and your family. You are so great though and I know he loves you and can see how much you want him to be happy. Keep being strong River!