Friday, May 28, 2010


change: we crave it...we fear it...we love it...we despise it...we search for it, we hide from it.
but in the end we grow from it....or wilt like the flower that won't adjust to the snow.

security: we work our entire life to achieve it, only to find that nothing is secure...we find false security along the way...with friends, families, jobs...but in the all changes.  That is life.  I have lost so many dear family and friends in the past 5 years, that I take no one for granted. But their loss has inspired me to live all the same.  Live in his will.
I think the greatest pursuit, is to find the wisdom to know when to change...and though we have free agency...(yes I do understand this principle) is our father in heavan that provides us with opportunities that we need to grow.  (besides, I don't think he wants us wandering in this life with stinky diapers:) 

Garrett called last night.  He had a busy day, he was embraced with leis from people that don't even know him (I love that tradition).  All day he was loved and respected and shown the good old fashioned Hawaiin welcome.
They want him to be a director of the new medical facility in Molokai. A facility that will be all inclusive from troubled teens to lonely elders.  It is a beautiful garden with swimming pools and yoga on the beach...even a canoe club.  The biggest store in Molokai is the size of a 711, and the town is smaler than old lehi.  But it is charming, and beautiful.  Molokain's fiercly protect this land from commercial development, and that is why it is so very special...isolated but special.
Anyhow, there are so few of you that read my blog, I thought I would share, It never dawned on me that you could run into Garrett in front of his partners and ask him when he is moving to Molakai...(so please don't bring this up at his office:))))

Sadly, right now we just don't think we can take this change on right now, but we feel that one day we will.  I remember the first time we hiked into the Leper colony, I felt this peace come over me and I knew that we would return one day.  If Garrett took this job,,,he would fly into leper colony 2 two times a week, and I would be his beautiful assistant:)  There is a peace there that I simply can not put into language.

So far the people we have shared this with have completly embraced the idea, others wondered why we hadn't done it yet, and some.,like my sweet mother in law almost cried and begged us not to go....(what about the kids, their, education...I will never see them, they will never know their cousins.) The whole conversation ripped my heart out...How could I hurt the ones I love?  I just have to pray that
if it is expedient for our family to move that hearts will be softened. 

All very valid concerns.  Like I said the other day, my choices affect many.  One day I think it would be the best thing for our family...the next I think it could be the worst.

It's the sliding doors dilema...ever seen that show?  very very scary how our life can change so quickly...If we make the train or miss it by a sliding door.

Perhaps it is a fault of mine...but I do believe God has a plan for everyone...rather or not they choose to follow it is up to their free agency.
Then can we know for sure what his will truly is...I've tried day yes, one day no.  All I know is that it has worked before.
Do I fear God more than man?
whew.  I wish I could say that 100 percent, but I hate hurting the people I love.
Of course pops made the decision a bit easy on us...after my pleading and puppy dog face, he laughed and told me he would follow me anywhere!
Thanks all for your good advice yesterday...any more seeds of wisdom for me to ponder?
i:e if your picture isn't hear it is because I cant' find one!
For now...please know that I love you matter which way we turn.


  1. holly, you will do what is best for your family. i know you will return to hawaii one day but it is very isolated on molokai and i agree with the kids education thing, it's not the best place for that. there is time, matt passed up an offer like that but we just thought it wasn't time, there is more time for that so don't worry the time will come.
    that is a beautiful family picture!

  2. If we could only have crystal balls - life would be so much easier! I think I would be just as torn as you. The pros and cons of both are equal. No matter what you do, you will see the beauty around you, the love to be shared and the opportunities for growth. Earth is a small moment of our existence. I look forward to reading about your decision.

  3. Well since my teaching license is still current I guess I can give my "professional" opinion. The best education does not happen in a classroom. The best education you can give your children is to help them to experience life in many ways. Sure, academics is vital, but the experience is what stays with you long after arithmetic is forgotten. I hope you find something that makes your decision clear to you.
    ps sometimes when you move away you get the most visitors...

  4. My dear Holly,
    My heart aches for you with this difficult decision. I have tried to not say much about his move because this must be your decision inspired by Heavenly Father, but I know you know that. I love the previous comment from K and M Bess. The words spoken there are exactly right. You will for sure get many visitors on Molokai!! Also, this decision should not be about education. As you know I moved Anela. She was the "top of the class" in her regular "western education" school. Now she is in a Hawaiian school where she does not even learn english till 5th grade. People ask, "what are you thinking". Im thinking, that the things she is learning in her "non-traditional" school, is MUCH more vital to her overall growth than anything she could ever have in regular education . I made this decision to move her and am SO VERY GLAD that I did!!! She is much much happier!!! The questions is, How will I measure "success" when all is said and done. People measure success differently. Knowing what success in education will look like to you, will help you with your decision regarding the children's education and the pathway you will take. For me, it is more important to come out of high school knowing who you are, what your strengths are, how that can benefit the world, and being confident in that.

    Also, (and I know some family will be reading this) but Holly, you can not make this decision and you cannot live your life based on what others want you to do. You must do what is right and best for you and Garrett and your children. Thats all. I know that is hard for you because you have lived your life making others happy. But this is about you guys now. Yes they will be sad to let you go. But that is not the reason to stay. Nor is any kind of guilt. I know they love you enough to understand and support that. There are a lot of people on Molokai that are waiting to love you. And they will.

    Having said all this, please know that I support whatever decision you make, wholeheartedly. I know you live by the spirit and it will guide you. I have had to make decisions without feeling a strong impression from the spirit. But I believe he lets us know if it is a definite NO, or if it is NOT right and/or safe. If it is ok, he lets us figure that out on our own. It is because it empowers us and makes us grow to decide without being told. Sometimes, the confirmation comes after the boxes have been unpacked. (my blessing tells me when I am at the alter I will get my confirmation he is the right one ;) ahhhhh might be a little late by then!!!)

    I love you sooo much. I support you. I am always here for you. I trust your judgement. The bottom line is, it doesn't really matter where you are, as long as you have your husband and your children by your side. And you know, as I do, that's what counts. Life is short. We cannot guarantee tomorrow. If this is something you really want, do not assume it will come to you again. It might not. and that may be ok too.

    Sorry this is so long (and possibly biased). Nobody but you and Garrett can know what is right. We love you both.


  5. so nikki and i have differing views on almost that whole post! no wonder it is so hard to decide if you ask anyone's opinion:)