Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Peace...be still

It's been said that true courage is staring
fear in the face and going forward anyway.
I have always been fearful of not living up 
to God's plan for me.  My hearts desire has
been and always will be his will.

But his will can be so confusing at times.
Everyone tells me that his will cannot rob
my free agency.  That I must choose. 
I so get that.

But the choices I make are no longer
my burden alone,the consequences of my
choices affect my children,my marriage
 and my whole family in general. 


Garrett and I are in the midst
of a grueling decision.
We made this decision once before
and were blessed ten fold.
But now?
So many questions.
My heart is flapping
yes? no?
Head is spinning.
I am not getting peace either way.
What do you think?
Tell me your stories...
Perhaps your wisdom will give me clarity.
Have you ever made a decision...a leap
into the dark uncertainty without feeling peace?
Am I not feeling peace, simply because I don't want
this...not right now anyway.
Talk to me.
I leave for Molakai in the morning,
(of course this has NOTHING to do with my decision:)
Song in my head:

I hope you still feel small
when you stand by the ocean
I hope when one door closes
one more door will open
I hope you dance......


  1. It seems to me that sometimes the Lord tests our faith to the absolute limit, and then when there is no time left on the clock, it is then He finally blesses us with the answer. I bet you will have a definite feeling one way or the other when you are in Molokai and when you have to decide one way or the other!! I hope you have a fabulous trip and that the peace will come soon! I know it will. You will make the right choice, I so have faith in you! I miss you. Love, me

  2. I'm super analytical. I pro and con things to the maximum and I pray. Decision making is huge struggle for me. Last year we battled between Portland and Phoenix. Back and Forth. Back and Forth. It was the most stressful. irritating thing ever. I don't wish that on anyone. I feel like we were supposed to be there for that time being {maybe to test us.} and now we're on the right track to hopefully getting to Portland come fall. If not, then I know that it wasn't in the plan for us, and we'll figure out something different.

    I know this doesn't help you in your decision, but I hope you know that are thoughts and prayers are with whatever you choose to do.

  3. Oh Holly,
    I wish you the best of everything!!!! Please don't forget me. I feel that if I am remembered (some-how) it means your mother is not completely gone from me. Wish it were different.
    Love, Becky

  4. what ?!! you are leaving for molokai in the morning? are you stopping by oahu?!! i think you should go with your heart, if you do not want this now don't do it. if it is just a matter of deciding then tell heavenly father stop us if we're wrong when you make the choice! you will do the right thing, sometimes it is up to us!

  5. p.s. i really think it would be great to talk to craig's parents but they all went to disney land but you can always call them later!

  6. Hmmm. Well the best advice is that no matter what you decide, you are still a family and you will share that experience, good or bad. And if that decision was a bad one you always have the next one to make it right.